His mind felt heavy. He was feeling weak. Kunal banged his bag and lay down on the couch. His head hurt because the cushion wasn't soft enough. He kept staring at the ceiling of his P.G room.
" Another day", he thought and sighed.
Just then he heard a blatant voice from the kitchen. It was his friend Rohan.
"Get ready, we need to leave within an hour for Annay's birthday party. Get going brother."
Through his voice, one could feel his excitement.
There was no reply from Kunal. After almost five minutes, he replied in a low voice "I am not going. My head is aching."
"What! c'mon its just a headache. You can have a medicine and be alright.You can't miss his birthday. It'll be so much fun. Friends, food, beer and stuff. How can you miss it ? C'mon bro, don't be a fuss." Rohan said in an irritated voice.
"I said I don't want to go." Kunal repeated. " I don't feel right."
"As you wish," Rohan said in a disgusted voice and left.
With his laptop on his lap and eyes fixed on its screen, Kunal was busy preparing for his assignment.
College placements were going to start within two days and excelling at it would probably be one of his best achievements. He had been a good student since childhood, very active in sports too. His parents had great expectations from him. They knew their son would make them proud one day.
Rohan had left an hour ago for Lonavala with other friends. Annay was going to celebrate one of his best birthday party. Nine friends and three bikes amidst the hills! It was going to be too much fun. Kunal was definetly going to miss such grand birthday.
There was something which was still disturbing Kunal. He just couldn't focus in his work. He had taken medicines and he felt better, but slight dizziness was still there. He was trying to avoid getting distracted from anything and paying attention to the pending work he had to complete, but something was stopping him from doing so. He was feeling frail, very frail.
It was her picture that was flashing before his eyes time and again.
Just then his phone beeped. It was a random message for the mobile company. To his surprise, he saw there were five missed calls from his mother. He had kept his phone on the silent mode and was not aware of the calls, his mother had made. He was about to call his mother when his phone started vibrating. Kunal smiled with gleam in his eyes. It was his mother. Perfect timing!
"Haan ma, I had kept my phone on silent. Sorry, I was just going to call you only."
"I got so worried. Why do you always have to keep your phone on silent? " His mother complained in an anxious tone.
"Sorry mumma, I was working."
"Working! Did you have your lunch or working without having any food? You often do that. Tell me fast. Go and have your lunch first. Health is more important, son."
"Mom mom, calm down, I had my food at two itself. Don't worry."
It needed a few minutes to convince her. They are mothers, after all!
"Beta, how are you? You sound so low. Are you alright? Is there anything bothering you?
We miss you a lot. Your little sister is yearning to meet you." Her voice cracked. Somehow, she managed to hide it from her son. She wiped her tears off from her dupatta.
"Mumma, I am alright. It's just the work load. I am ok." His voice choked. Somehow he too managed to hide it from his mother. He knew if his mother sensed it that he was crying, she would be having a sleepless night that day.
He tried to change the topic but in vain.
" I know there's work load, but apart from it is there anything that's troubling you? I can feel something is wrong. There's nothing to take so much pressure about, son. Do as much as you can do. We know you'll do well. You have always made us proud. We love you a lot and we will always do. Our life resides with you. Take care and do not worry. We are always there for you. So you needn't worry at all.
Kunal left a tear. After hearing this, he couldn't stop himself. He kept the phone aside and cried his heart out. He had turned the phone upside down making sure that his mother couldn't hear his son crying.
He grabbed his phone. He could hear his mother's voice.
" Kunal Kunal .. I can't hear you. Hello.. Kunal.."
"Yes maa.. I'm here.."
He was still weeping.
Hesistantly he said, "Mumma, I am in love with a girl. You know her very well. Rhea, Sinha uncle's daughter. Childhood best friends we are. We no longer talk.
His lips started shaking. He wanted to cry even more louder. "Ma, you remember how we used to play together every evening.
You remember how talkative she was.
With her twinkling eyes and naughty smile, she used to tell me every little detail of what she did during the day.
I used to wonder how could she talk so much. Somehow I loved listening to her.
I loved it when she would be the first caller on my birthday.
I loved how I could share every little detail of my life too with her.
We knew how crazy we both were, but still loved each other's company.
There was no fear to be judged, mumma.
He was falling short of breath now.
"Maa, she is so beautiful just the way you are.
She is the person with the most beautiful heart.
She was so caring, just the way you care for me.
She has supported me in my worst and good days, just the way you do.
She always kept her promises, just the way you keep Maa.
Talking to her made my day, just the way talking to you completes my day.
Mumma, I could find pieces of you in her. Maybe that is why I loved her so much.
I was a studious chap back then in school.
You remember how nervous I would become before every examination. I used to have sweat beads on my forehead before entering the exam hall. She would motivate me and wish me luck.
She still used to do it in college too. We still used to tease each other by calling weird names.
She knew the deepest of my secrets. My weaknesses and my strength.
Everything was the same until the day I confessed what I felt for her.
All of a sudden, everything changed.
Ma, it changed so suddenly that I coudn't even realise it
Day day everything changed, but I couldn't realise.
Now when I look back, everything has transformed to that extent which I could never picture.
Not only did I face rejection to my proposal, I faced rejection from life.
After spending so many years fighting, talking, loving, teasing,
Was I still not worthy enough to call her my forever?
I miss every inch of her.
The way she used to curl her hair behind her ears.
The way she used to get excited whenever she wanted to tell me something.
The way she used to get happy whenever I used to score well.
The way how she would patienly listen to my dreams and aspirations.
The way she used to grab food and eat so fast whenever she was hungry, I used to make fun of her and she used to make fun of me by calling even more offensive names.
The way she used to laugh.
Those magical moments when we used to laugh so loudly, our stomach would hurt.
I often see her.
Whenever I do I feel an irrestible urge to speak to her.
She ignores me hard.
Few days back, I saw her with a boy.
Has it been this easy for her to stop talking to me and trust other people so quickly?
Its been so many months that we haven't spoken.
Trust me mom, I sometimes feel a strong desire, whenever I see her, to go up to her and ask how she has been doing.
I fall short of courage each time, mom.
Its inconceivable, how somebody with whom you couldn't hide a word from, you now lack courage to even speak to them.
I sometimes wish I would text her a regular "HI" and she would reply me with a "HEYA".
Then I realised, we aren't in talking terms."
He wiped off his tears once again, and drank water to clear his throat.
He suddenly realised, It was almost one hour since he had been speaking.
He softly said, "Maa, Are you listening ?"
Then he looked at his phone screen.
The phone had switched off due to battery loss.
So busy pouring out his emotions, he couldn't even make out when his phone got dead.
He felt better, much much better than before. He wasn't sure whether his mother had heard anything or not.
It was already 11pm. He felt sleepy. He kept the laptop on the table and put his phone on charge.
He pulled of his blanket. Before going to sleep, he saw the photograph of his family lieing beside his bed and felt grateful how much his family loved him unconditionally.
His mother and his father, who work so hard just to see him smile and fulfilling his dreams.
His little sister, who would fight with him but love her more than anybody else could ever do.
They were his inspiration to work hard.
He embraced the photograph tightly to his chest.
Next morning, when the doorbell rang, he thought it was Rohan. He wanted to apologise to him for speaking rudely.
To his shock, it was his parents and his little sister standing at the doorstep.
He was dumbfounded.
He hugged his mother very tightly.
He felt esctatic.
He was overjoyed.
His happiness knew no bounds.
He got teary eyed at once.
"How come you all are here. I am so so happy to see you all."
"Why? can't we give you a surprise? We hadn't seen you since so long. We all were missing you so much, we decided to surprise you. Look at yourself, are you planning to turn into a skeleton. Don't you get food here. It seems as if you've lost pounds"
Kunal hugged his father and placed a slight peck on his little sister's cheeks and helped them with their baggage.
"Maa, nothing can match the food cooked by you". He smiled and said.
Later that evening, he lied on his mother's lap with his mother gently caressing his hair.
His mother was watching her usual television soaps.
Nothing can match the comfort you get when you lie down on your mother's lap and she gently loves you.
A feeling beyond everything.
It seemed to him as if all his worries will fade away if his mother was by his side.
She was his strength.
He realised how much life had changed in a year after he moved to his college life.
Next morning, was a big day for Kunal.
He had mixed emotions- he was nervous as well as euphoric.
He touched his mother's feet while she carried out the old tradition of making him eat a sweet before going.
Her face had an unusual spark that day.
His son was going to get a job after all.
He touched her feet and seeked her blessings.
Before going, he checked his pockets.
He realised he had forgotten to take his cell phone.
His mother rushed inside the room and brought it.
She suddenly asked, "Beta, day before yesterday while speaking to you, the phone suddenly got disconnected. I was continuously calling and saying "hello" , but there was no response.
I tried calling you till 10pm. Each time there was a " switched off " response.
"Oh yaa. ummm..aa.. Actually mom my phone had lost charge. Then I was too sleepy and tired. So I dozed off, minutes after the mobile got disconnected. I am sorry maa.", he lied
"Its absolutely ok beta. C'mon you'll get late. Hurry!"and she kissed her son on his forehead and hugged him..
"Don't get nervous like you always do"
"Yes mom, I won't. His smile was full of confidence.
"Bye mom. Love you."
As he walking down the flight of steps, there was a sudden air of happiness, confidence and positivity in him.
He was ready to face life and its challenges.
He was determined to grow through life other than remaining stagnant.
In life, we have to constantly keep developing and growing through it.
Life never stops, neither in your happy days nor in your bad days.
Life always move on in its own pace.
You failed in your exams, life still moves on
Your loved one died, life still moves on.
Your friends ditched you, life still moves on.
You didn't get a job as per your expectations, life still moves on.
You were embarassed today, life still moves on.
You are happy for something today, life still moves on
Your mourning today, life still moves on.
It won't come up to your doorstep knocking your door and asking you, " Hey are you sad today. Let's pause your life for a few seconds."
Or you are overjoyed today, so the next few days everything will work out as per your own wish.
This isn't possible.
Ofcourse, Kunal would always respect Rhea's choices and priorites. He was never going to disrespect her but concentrate a little more on the other things in his life.
Life is all about growing.
Someone said it right, " Don't go through life, grow through life."
By - Jyotika.
" Another day", he thought and sighed.
Just then he heard a blatant voice from the kitchen. It was his friend Rohan.
"Get ready, we need to leave within an hour for Annay's birthday party. Get going brother."
Through his voice, one could feel his excitement.
There was no reply from Kunal. After almost five minutes, he replied in a low voice "I am not going. My head is aching."
"What! c'mon its just a headache. You can have a medicine and be alright.You can't miss his birthday. It'll be so much fun. Friends, food, beer and stuff. How can you miss it ? C'mon bro, don't be a fuss." Rohan said in an irritated voice.
"I said I don't want to go." Kunal repeated. " I don't feel right."
"As you wish," Rohan said in a disgusted voice and left.
With his laptop on his lap and eyes fixed on its screen, Kunal was busy preparing for his assignment.
College placements were going to start within two days and excelling at it would probably be one of his best achievements. He had been a good student since childhood, very active in sports too. His parents had great expectations from him. They knew their son would make them proud one day.
Rohan had left an hour ago for Lonavala with other friends. Annay was going to celebrate one of his best birthday party. Nine friends and three bikes amidst the hills! It was going to be too much fun. Kunal was definetly going to miss such grand birthday.
There was something which was still disturbing Kunal. He just couldn't focus in his work. He had taken medicines and he felt better, but slight dizziness was still there. He was trying to avoid getting distracted from anything and paying attention to the pending work he had to complete, but something was stopping him from doing so. He was feeling frail, very frail.
It was her picture that was flashing before his eyes time and again.
Just then his phone beeped. It was a random message for the mobile company. To his surprise, he saw there were five missed calls from his mother. He had kept his phone on the silent mode and was not aware of the calls, his mother had made. He was about to call his mother when his phone started vibrating. Kunal smiled with gleam in his eyes. It was his mother. Perfect timing!
"Haan ma, I had kept my phone on silent. Sorry, I was just going to call you only."
"I got so worried. Why do you always have to keep your phone on silent? " His mother complained in an anxious tone.
"Sorry mumma, I was working."
"Working! Did you have your lunch or working without having any food? You often do that. Tell me fast. Go and have your lunch first. Health is more important, son."
"Mom mom, calm down, I had my food at two itself. Don't worry."
It needed a few minutes to convince her. They are mothers, after all!
"Beta, how are you? You sound so low. Are you alright? Is there anything bothering you?
We miss you a lot. Your little sister is yearning to meet you." Her voice cracked. Somehow, she managed to hide it from her son. She wiped her tears off from her dupatta.
"Mumma, I am alright. It's just the work load. I am ok." His voice choked. Somehow he too managed to hide it from his mother. He knew if his mother sensed it that he was crying, she would be having a sleepless night that day.
He tried to change the topic but in vain.
" I know there's work load, but apart from it is there anything that's troubling you? I can feel something is wrong. There's nothing to take so much pressure about, son. Do as much as you can do. We know you'll do well. You have always made us proud. We love you a lot and we will always do. Our life resides with you. Take care and do not worry. We are always there for you. So you needn't worry at all.
Kunal left a tear. After hearing this, he couldn't stop himself. He kept the phone aside and cried his heart out. He had turned the phone upside down making sure that his mother couldn't hear his son crying.
He grabbed his phone. He could hear his mother's voice.
" Kunal Kunal .. I can't hear you. Hello.. Kunal.."
"Yes maa.. I'm here.."
He was still weeping.
Hesistantly he said, "Mumma, I am in love with a girl. You know her very well. Rhea, Sinha uncle's daughter. Childhood best friends we are. We no longer talk.
His lips started shaking. He wanted to cry even more louder. "Ma, you remember how we used to play together every evening.
You remember how talkative she was.
With her twinkling eyes and naughty smile, she used to tell me every little detail of what she did during the day.
I used to wonder how could she talk so much. Somehow I loved listening to her.
I loved it when she would be the first caller on my birthday.
I loved how I could share every little detail of my life too with her.
We knew how crazy we both were, but still loved each other's company.
There was no fear to be judged, mumma.
He was falling short of breath now.
"Maa, she is so beautiful just the way you are.
She is the person with the most beautiful heart.
She was so caring, just the way you care for me.
She has supported me in my worst and good days, just the way you do.
She always kept her promises, just the way you keep Maa.
Talking to her made my day, just the way talking to you completes my day.
Mumma, I could find pieces of you in her. Maybe that is why I loved her so much.
I was a studious chap back then in school.
You remember how nervous I would become before every examination. I used to have sweat beads on my forehead before entering the exam hall. She would motivate me and wish me luck.
She still used to do it in college too. We still used to tease each other by calling weird names.
She knew the deepest of my secrets. My weaknesses and my strength.
Everything was the same until the day I confessed what I felt for her.
All of a sudden, everything changed.
Ma, it changed so suddenly that I coudn't even realise it
Day day everything changed, but I couldn't realise.
Now when I look back, everything has transformed to that extent which I could never picture.
Not only did I face rejection to my proposal, I faced rejection from life.
After spending so many years fighting, talking, loving, teasing,
Was I still not worthy enough to call her my forever?
I miss every inch of her.
The way she used to curl her hair behind her ears.
The way she used to get excited whenever she wanted to tell me something.
The way she used to get happy whenever I used to score well.
The way how she would patienly listen to my dreams and aspirations.
The way she used to grab food and eat so fast whenever she was hungry, I used to make fun of her and she used to make fun of me by calling even more offensive names.
The way she used to laugh.
Those magical moments when we used to laugh so loudly, our stomach would hurt.
I often see her.
Whenever I do I feel an irrestible urge to speak to her.
She ignores me hard.
Few days back, I saw her with a boy.
Has it been this easy for her to stop talking to me and trust other people so quickly?
Its been so many months that we haven't spoken.
Trust me mom, I sometimes feel a strong desire, whenever I see her, to go up to her and ask how she has been doing.
I fall short of courage each time, mom.
Its inconceivable, how somebody with whom you couldn't hide a word from, you now lack courage to even speak to them.
I sometimes wish I would text her a regular "HI" and she would reply me with a "HEYA".
Then I realised, we aren't in talking terms."
He wiped off his tears once again, and drank water to clear his throat.
He suddenly realised, It was almost one hour since he had been speaking.
He softly said, "Maa, Are you listening ?"
Then he looked at his phone screen.
The phone had switched off due to battery loss.
So busy pouring out his emotions, he couldn't even make out when his phone got dead.
He felt better, much much better than before. He wasn't sure whether his mother had heard anything or not.
It was already 11pm. He felt sleepy. He kept the laptop on the table and put his phone on charge.
He pulled of his blanket. Before going to sleep, he saw the photograph of his family lieing beside his bed and felt grateful how much his family loved him unconditionally.
His mother and his father, who work so hard just to see him smile and fulfilling his dreams.
His little sister, who would fight with him but love her more than anybody else could ever do.
They were his inspiration to work hard.
He embraced the photograph tightly to his chest.
Next morning, when the doorbell rang, he thought it was Rohan. He wanted to apologise to him for speaking rudely.
To his shock, it was his parents and his little sister standing at the doorstep.
He was dumbfounded.
He hugged his mother very tightly.
He felt esctatic.
He was overjoyed.
His happiness knew no bounds.
He got teary eyed at once.
"How come you all are here. I am so so happy to see you all."
"Why? can't we give you a surprise? We hadn't seen you since so long. We all were missing you so much, we decided to surprise you. Look at yourself, are you planning to turn into a skeleton. Don't you get food here. It seems as if you've lost pounds"
Kunal hugged his father and placed a slight peck on his little sister's cheeks and helped them with their baggage.
"Maa, nothing can match the food cooked by you". He smiled and said.
Later that evening, he lied on his mother's lap with his mother gently caressing his hair.
His mother was watching her usual television soaps.
Nothing can match the comfort you get when you lie down on your mother's lap and she gently loves you.
A feeling beyond everything.
It seemed to him as if all his worries will fade away if his mother was by his side.
She was his strength.
He realised how much life had changed in a year after he moved to his college life.
Next morning, was a big day for Kunal.
He had mixed emotions- he was nervous as well as euphoric.
He touched his mother's feet while she carried out the old tradition of making him eat a sweet before going.
Her face had an unusual spark that day.
His son was going to get a job after all.
He touched her feet and seeked her blessings.
Before going, he checked his pockets.
He realised he had forgotten to take his cell phone.
His mother rushed inside the room and brought it.
She suddenly asked, "Beta, day before yesterday while speaking to you, the phone suddenly got disconnected. I was continuously calling and saying "hello" , but there was no response.
I tried calling you till 10pm. Each time there was a " switched off " response.
"Oh yaa. ummm..aa.. Actually mom my phone had lost charge. Then I was too sleepy and tired. So I dozed off, minutes after the mobile got disconnected. I am sorry maa.", he lied
"Its absolutely ok beta. C'mon you'll get late. Hurry!"and she kissed her son on his forehead and hugged him..
"Don't get nervous like you always do"
"Yes mom, I won't. His smile was full of confidence.
"Bye mom. Love you."
As he walking down the flight of steps, there was a sudden air of happiness, confidence and positivity in him.
He was ready to face life and its challenges.
He was determined to grow through life other than remaining stagnant.
In life, we have to constantly keep developing and growing through it.
Life never stops, neither in your happy days nor in your bad days.
Life always move on in its own pace.
You failed in your exams, life still moves on
Your loved one died, life still moves on.
Your friends ditched you, life still moves on.
You didn't get a job as per your expectations, life still moves on.
You were embarassed today, life still moves on.
You are happy for something today, life still moves on
Your mourning today, life still moves on.
It won't come up to your doorstep knocking your door and asking you, " Hey are you sad today. Let's pause your life for a few seconds."
Or you are overjoyed today, so the next few days everything will work out as per your own wish.
This isn't possible.
Ofcourse, Kunal would always respect Rhea's choices and priorites. He was never going to disrespect her but concentrate a little more on the other things in his life.
Life is all about growing.
Someone said it right, " Don't go through life, grow through life."
By - Jyotika.
