In the blink of an eye, everything seemed different.

His mind felt heavy.  He was feeling weak. Kunal banged his bag and lay down on the couch. His head hurt because the cushion wasn't soft enough. He kept staring at the ceiling of his P.G room.
" Another day", he thought and sighed.
Just then he heard a blatant voice from the kitchen. It was his friend Rohan.
"Get ready, we need to leave within an hour for Annay's birthday party. Get going brother."
 Through his voice, one could feel his excitement.
There was no reply from Kunal. After almost five minutes, he replied in a low voice "I am not going.  My head is aching."
"What! c'mon its just a headache. You can have a medicine and be alright.You can't miss his birthday. It'll be so much fun. Friends, food, beer and stuff.  How can you miss it ? C'mon bro, don't be a fuss." Rohan said in an irritated voice.
"I said I don't want to go." Kunal repeated. " I don't feel right."
"As you wish," Rohan said in a disgusted voice and left.

With his laptop on his lap and eyes fixed on its screen, Kunal was busy preparing for his assignment.
College placements were going to start within two days and excelling at it would probably be one of his best achievements. He had been a good student since childhood, very active in sports too. His parents had great expectations from him. They knew their son would make them proud one day.

Rohan had left an hour ago for Lonavala with other friends. Annay was going to celebrate one of his best birthday party. Nine friends and three bikes amidst the hills! It was going to be too much fun. Kunal was definetly going to miss such grand birthday.

There was something which was still disturbing Kunal. He just couldn't focus in his work. He had taken medicines and he felt better, but slight dizziness was still there. He was trying to avoid getting distracted from anything and paying attention to the pending work he had to complete, but something was stopping him from doing so. He was feeling frail, very frail.

It was her picture that was flashing before his eyes time and again.

Just then his phone beeped. It was a random message for the mobile company. To his surprise, he saw there were five missed calls from his mother. He had kept his phone on the silent mode and was not aware of the calls, his mother had made. He was about to call his mother when his phone started vibrating. Kunal smiled with gleam in his eyes. It was his mother. Perfect timing!

"Haan ma, I had kept my phone on silent. Sorry, I was just going to call you only."
"I got so worried. Why do you always have to keep your phone on silent? " His mother complained in an anxious tone.
"Sorry mumma, I was working."
"Working! Did you have your lunch or working without having any food? You often do that. Tell me fast. Go and have your lunch first. Health is more important, son."
"Mom mom, calm down, I had my food at two itself. Don't worry."
It needed a few minutes to convince her. They are mothers, after all!

"Beta, how are you? You sound so low. Are you alright? Is there anything bothering you?
We  miss you a lot. Your little sister is yearning to meet you." Her voice cracked. Somehow, she managed to hide it from her son. She wiped her tears off from her dupatta.
"Mumma, I am alright. It's just the work load. I am ok." His voice choked. Somehow he too managed to hide it from his mother. He knew if his mother sensed it that he was crying, she would be having a sleepless night that day.

He tried to change the topic but in vain.
" I know there's work load, but apart from it is there anything that's troubling you? I can feel something is wrong. There's nothing to take so much pressure about, son. Do as much as you can do. We know you'll do well. You have always made us proud.  We love you a lot and we will always do. Our life resides with you. Take care and do not worry. We are always there for you. So you needn't worry at all.

Kunal left a tear. After hearing this, he couldn't stop himself. He kept the phone aside and cried his heart out. He had turned the phone upside down making sure that his mother couldn't hear his son crying.

He grabbed his phone. He could hear his mother's voice.
" Kunal   Kunal .. I can't hear you. Hello.. Kunal.."

"Yes maa.. I'm here.."
He was still weeping.
Hesistantly he said, "Mumma, I am in love with a girl. You know her very well. Rhea, Sinha uncle's daughter. Childhood best friends we are. We no longer talk.
His lips started shaking. He wanted to cry even more louder. "Ma, you remember how we used to play together every evening.
You remember how talkative she was.
With her twinkling eyes and naughty smile, she used to tell me every little detail of what she did during the day.
I used to wonder how could she talk so much. Somehow I loved listening to her.
I loved it when she would be the first caller on my birthday.
I loved how I could share every little detail of my life too with her.
We knew how crazy we both were, but still loved each other's company.
There was no fear to be judged, mumma.

He was falling short of breath now.

"Maa, she is so beautiful just the way you are.
She is the person with the most beautiful heart.
She was so caring, just the way you care for me.
She has supported me in my worst and good days, just the way you do.
She always kept her promises, just the way you keep Maa.
Talking to her made my day, just the way talking to you completes my day.

Mumma, I could find pieces of you in her. Maybe that is why I loved her so much.

I was a studious chap back then in school.
You remember how nervous I would become before every examination. I used to have sweat beads on my forehead before entering the exam hall. She would motivate me and wish me luck.
She still used to do it in college too. We still used to tease each other by calling weird names.
She knew the deepest of my secrets. My weaknesses and my strength.

Everything was the same until the day I confessed what I felt for her.
All of a sudden, everything changed.
Ma, it changed so suddenly that I coudn't even realise it
Day day everything changed, but I couldn't realise.
Now when I look back, everything has transformed to that extent which I could never picture.

Not only did I face rejection to my proposal, I faced rejection from life.
After spending so many years fighting, talking, loving, teasing,

Was I still not worthy enough to call her my forever?

I miss every inch of her.
The way she used to curl her hair behind her ears.
The way she used to get excited whenever she wanted to tell me something.
The way she used to get happy whenever I used to score well.
The way how she would patienly listen to my dreams and aspirations.
The way she used to grab food and eat so fast whenever she was hungry, I used to make fun of her and she used to make fun of me by calling even more offensive names.
The way she used to laugh.
Those magical moments when we used to laugh so loudly, our stomach would hurt.

I often see her.
Whenever I do I feel an irrestible urge to speak to her.
She ignores me hard.
Few days back, I saw her with a boy.
Has it been this easy for her to stop talking to me and trust other people so quickly?

Its been so many months that we haven't spoken.
Trust me mom, I sometimes feel a strong desire, whenever I see her, to go up to her and ask how she has been doing.
I fall short of courage each time, mom.
Its inconceivable, how somebody with whom you couldn't hide a word from, you now lack courage to even speak to them.
I sometimes wish I would text her a regular "HI" and she would reply me with a "HEYA".
Then I realised, we aren't in talking terms."


He wiped off his tears once again, and drank water to clear his throat.

He suddenly realised, It was almost one hour since he had been speaking.

He softly said, "Maa, Are you listening ?"
Then he looked at his phone screen.
The phone had switched off due to battery loss.
So busy pouring out his emotions, he couldn't even make out when his phone got dead.

He felt better, much much better than before. He wasn't sure whether his mother had heard anything or not.
It was already 11pm. He felt sleepy. He kept the laptop on the table and put his phone on charge.
He pulled of his blanket. Before going to sleep, he saw the photograph of his family lieing beside his bed and felt grateful how much his family loved him unconditionally.
His mother and his father, who work so hard just to see him smile and fulfilling his dreams.
His little sister, who would fight with him but love her more than anybody else could ever do.
They were his inspiration to work hard.
He embraced the photograph tightly to his chest.

Next morning, when the doorbell rang, he thought it was  Rohan. He wanted to apologise to him for speaking rudely.
To his shock, it was his parents and his little sister standing at the doorstep.
He was dumbfounded.
He hugged his mother very tightly.
He felt esctatic.
He was overjoyed.
His happiness knew no bounds.

He got teary eyed at once.

"How come you all are here. I am so so happy to see you all."

"Why? can't we give you a surprise? We hadn't seen you since so long. We all were missing you so much, we decided to surprise you. Look at yourself, are you planning to turn into a skeleton. Don't you get food here. It seems as if you've lost pounds"

Kunal hugged his father and placed a slight peck on his little sister's cheeks and helped them with their baggage.

"Maa, nothing can match the food cooked by you". He smiled and said.

Later that evening, he lied on his mother's lap with his mother gently caressing his hair.
His mother was watching her usual television soaps.

Nothing can match the comfort you get when you lie down on your mother's lap and she gently loves you.
A feeling beyond everything.

It seemed to him as if all his worries will fade away if his mother was by his side.
She was his strength.
He realised how much life had changed in a year after he moved to his college life.

Next morning, was a big day for Kunal.
He had mixed emotions- he was nervous as well as euphoric.
He touched his mother's feet while she carried out the old tradition of making him eat a sweet before going.
Her face had an unusual spark that day.
His son was going to get a job after all.
He touched her feet and seeked her blessings.
Before going, he checked his pockets.
He realised he had forgotten to take his cell phone.
His mother rushed inside the room and brought it.

She suddenly asked, "Beta, day before yesterday while speaking to you, the phone suddenly got disconnected. I was continuously calling and saying "hello" , but there was no response.
I tried calling you till 10pm. Each time there was a " switched off " response.

"Oh yaa. ummm..aa.. Actually mom my phone had lost charge. Then I was too sleepy and tired. So I dozed off, minutes after the mobile got disconnected. I am sorry maa.", he lied

"Its absolutely ok beta. C'mon you'll get late. Hurry!"and she kissed her son on his forehead and hugged him..
"Don't get nervous like you always do"
"Yes mom, I won't. His smile was full of confidence.
"Bye mom. Love you."



As he walking down the flight of steps, there was a sudden air of happiness, confidence and positivity in him.
He was ready to face life and its challenges.
He was determined to grow through life other than remaining stagnant.


In life, we have to constantly keep developing and growing through it.
Life never stops, neither in your happy days nor in your bad days.
Life always move on in its own pace.

You failed in your exams, life still moves on
Your loved one died, life still moves on.
Your friends ditched you, life still moves on.
You didn't get a job as per your expectations, life still moves on.
You were embarassed today, life still moves on.
You are happy for something today, life still moves on
Your mourning today, life still moves on.


It won't come up to your doorstep knocking your door and asking you, " Hey are you sad today. Let's pause your life for a few seconds."
Or you are overjoyed today, so the next few days everything will work out as per your own wish.
This isn't possible.

Ofcourse, Kunal would always respect Rhea's choices and priorites. He was never going to disrespect her but concentrate a little more on the other things in his life.


Life is all about growing.
Someone said it right, " Don't go through life, grow through life."



                                                                                              By - Jyotika.

Words and Expectations.

Human existence requires mutual cooperation,love and respect.

Ever since we step in this world, we become a part of a family where we are loved and taken care of.

Gradually as we grow older we learn to create relationships on our own.

We call them friends. 

Friends and family play the biggest role in our lives.

They are the very basis of our survival because we are emotionally attached to them.

Every relationship that we build in our lives brings forth arguments, fights and misconceptions too.

Survival of a relationship depends not only on the basis of love between two people.

Altercations are a very important part of every lasting relationship.

They are and should be a part of every relationship.

There are basically two kinds of arguments.

One that is verbal and the other that is mental. The mental argument where our mind is literally pissed off for a prolonged period of time over loved one.

We still behave normally trying to ignore whatever action of that person irritated us.

We try to maintain patience and control ourselves.

But one fine day, when we lose control over ourselves,we burst out.

So the mental argument which we were having for a quite a long period of time at last transforms into a verbal one only.

At some point of our lives we are all corrected that we should think before we speak to anybody.

In fact we are all aware of it.

At the same time we experience something very contrary too.

When anger overpowers us, no matter how much we are try to control,we do end up not thinking before we speak.

Maybe it just doesn't want to happen during that time.

Or maybe the tongue goes out of control only during that very point of time.

The main reason why we end up using harsh words when enraged is that we expected that person to never do something that he or she might have done to you.

When we love somebody or care for them, prior to it , we create expectations from that person.

So when this imaginary expectation is not fulfilled we start becoming mentally damaged.

This damage is a gradual process.

We give more and more chances to them and when we realise that still our expectations are not getting fulfilled, this mental damage ruins us.

This damage leads to anger and frustation.

This frustation has lethal effects.

We end up saying things we could never have imagined we could have said to them.

We end up making decisions and passing judgements ,we wouldn't have dreamt of also in our worst nightmares

Most importantly, we just END UP.

The way we accuse the other person using cruel and harsh words can mentally ruin the other person.

He or she can start doubting his own self.

He or she might start feeling weak about himself.

He or she even might not believe it at first that the person whom he or she loved could accuse him or her so bad.

The main reason why this person will get mentally damaged is that he or she might not even know what was his or her mistake.

He might not know why he received such a harsh reaction.

He might try to think and identify his mistakes a thousand times,but all his efforts obviously go in vain.

He feels helpless and is left moarning in pain.

It is human nature that when we love somebody and care for them, expectations do come up.

This is very much obvious.

Nobody can deny it.

Does that mean the person who couldn't fulfill his or her loved one's expectations is to blamed?

Consequently, he or she becomes a victim to their loved one's anger.

Was it right?

Did that person know what his or her loved one was expecting from him or her?

I mean, do we humans have the superpower of reading each other's minds?

Is it like we read their minds and we get to know that he or she is expecting this from me and we got to fulfill it somehow?

Is this possible?

Certainly, not.

So does this mean that the person who was not able to fulfill the expectations didn't love or care for that person?

Maybe he or she was doing it her way.

It is not that he or she didn't love her.

Each and every person has her own way of expressing love.

Each and every person has her right to express it their own way.

It is we humans that expect the hell out of somebody.

It is normal to expect but haven't we heard that more of anything is bad.

Why cant't we humans learn to be grateful?

Why are we so selfish?
Maybe because we are so occupied with the idea of "i,me,mine" and so no matter what happens our expectations have to be fulfilled.
And when they are not we react furiously in front of the person we claim to care for the most!

Maybe, how that person was not expecting something from his or her beloved one, similarly, even the other person couldn't have dreamt of of such a reaction from that person.
Who played the role of a Satan here ?
EXPECTATIONS.

Ultimately, the result is, obviously negative. 
It is painful for both of them.



Words play an important role in every kind of a relationship
They have a huge impact on the lives of the individuals.
Sometimes some words said can leave a painful bruise in our heart.
The entire picture flashes in our mind with the exact words said.
the old conversations are remembered time and again.
No matter how much we try it becomes a difficult task.

Regret comes in especially in the part of that person who behaved badly.
After overthinking over our mistakes, we all come to a conclusion.
accepting our own mistake needs courage.
Apology should be done as fast as possible
This is because the longer the other person is left in pain, the more and more his or her heart gets ripped finely.
More and more blood oozes out.
It may become more more traumatic for that person.

That one person whom we were most comfortable with,
We now feel anxious to even approach them, so diametric!

The next best to be done is to give time to each other.
During this process, we gradually learn to respect differences.
Forgiveness might come, but do we humans really forget?

There can be two opinions regarding this:

One where we do forgive, but because the damage caused is a permanent one, we do not end up forgetting.

Secondly, where time plays the role of healer. It effectively helps to cure the damage done and revival becomes possible.

Neverthless, whatever be the result, efforts must be made from both the sides for effectively reviving the relationship.
They always end up giving positive results.
Everyone appreciates efforts.


Expectations and words can be dangerous.
A slight overdose of it and the entire relationship nutured with love, care and respect gets ruined.
we should learn adjust our expectations properly and never use words that can mentally harass someone.

Remember, connecting to people can be easy.
Maintaining it throughout needs courage and most importantly patience.
And once its damaged, revival becomes the most difficult task.

Relationships are beautiful creations.
Never let it die and unnatural death.

                                                      
                                                  - By Jyotika.

Somebody Named "Perfect"

As humans don't we all like the idea of having somebody "Perfect" in our lives.
A perfect companion - Somebody with whom we can share our secrets.
Somebody in front of whom we can just be ourselves and there is no pressure to act in  a certain way.
Somebody in front of whom we dont have to think before we speak and there are no moments to be termed as awkward ones.
Somebody who cares for us selflessly.
Somebody who will be willing to bear our nonsense and still love us.
Somebody who will get irritated by you at first but at the end of the day not a mere thought of separation will ever linger in either of our minds.
You know they are going to be there anyways.

Such will be the power of  loyalty between the two of you..

The most important part of this perfect person in our life will not be making you a better person.
They will inspire you  to such an extend that we ourselves will start improving and thinking from their perspectives and  hence start becoming a better individual.
There mere presence will bring forth an immense positivity within us.
With them by your side, we will feel that you can cross all obstacles and emerge successful.
They will help you and guide you in your emotional growth.

Such will be the power of faith between the two of you.

No matter how mature we become. We all have a childish side of ours where we just act weird and crazy. Be it picking our noses or acting like a nerd all day long
Sharing bizzare things with them and irritating and pissing them to the core.
Gossiping about anything and everything with them.
Eating absolutely inhumanly in front of them and still not be ashamed
Sharing insane ideas with each other and still not getting embarassed
Sharing moments of laughter and sadness together.
Helping each other to cope up with all sorts of situations and making each other strong.

Such will be the power of comfort between the two of you.


We are humans and we ought to commit mistakes.
Sometimes the people who mean the world to us will let us down.
They will stab us right in our hearts and derogate us.
The very person whom you loved and cared for will be the person guilty of tearing you apart.
As a result of which communication ceases and that "perfect" person becomes a "perfect" memory.
                                             
It is very aptly said that actions speak louder than words.
Sometimes it speaks so loudly that we are left with nothing to say verbally to our loved ones.
Our expectations regarding them gets ruined so badly that we are left devastated.
Our eyes become blurred.We fall short of breath.We grip our stomach tightly even if it hurts so that nobody hears us crying. That moment where we can't breathe and cry at the same time.
Feelings of loyalty and faith collapses never to be rebuilt again.


                                                          "BLINK"


Are relationships really that weak, eh?
Now it could be of any kind , best friend relationships, boyfriend girlfriend relationships etc.
Is love such a weak feeling ?
No it isn't. Infact,it is the most strongest feelings.
It is we who make it so weak and fragile.

None of the  relationships are perfect.
Haven't we ever argued with our parents.?
Do we stop loving them after that?
Do we stop caring for them?
Most importantly do we start hating them?
No, ofcourse.

It is very important to understand that it is we who are preoccupied with the idea of a person being absolutely "perfect".
Can't we just ask ourselves that our we perfect ?
Haven't we ever committed any mistakes that we expect the person we love to never hurt us ?
Apart from acting so aggressively and ceasing communication with that person, we humans don't even make efforts to understand the reason why that person chose to hurt us.
Maybe he or she had to go through hell while he did such a thing to you.
Maybe he or she just had no other way and he had to end up hurting you and in return he expected you to understand his obligations.
Like we expected them to never hurt us, similarly even he or she might have expected us to totally recognize them because once both of them had promised each other that their love would be patient and kind.

Nobody is perfect. We are made of a thousand flaws are so are other people too.
Everybody is going to hurt us at one point of time.
We need to realise who is worth our pain and who is not. :)


                                                                                                By- Jyotika.

                                           

Teenage Years

TEENAGERS ..
People with mixed emotions and feelings.
Often during these years , we tend to get lost in the idea of "LOVE"
For this current generation LOVE has a totally absurd meaning 
texting for hours and chatting with unknown people.
gradually getting attached 
either of them proposing
getting into a relationship 
gradually knowing each other's flaws and
the inablity to accept them 
and thereafter breaking up.

The problem with teenagers is that they are preoccupied with a false idea of love.
Hence by being friends  with someone only for a few days, they feel as if they have fallen for that person.
 Love does not happen so easily.
Its ok to get attracted to somebody.it is very common during this age.
At one point of time we need to realise  the difference between getting attracted and attached to a person and falling for that person.

life is more than just finding a lover 
Teenage is such a beautiful part of our lives 
If we make the best use of it we will probably be making the best memories for life.
This is the end of our school life 
Nobody wants to waste it crying over a boy or a girl
rather everyone should live it to the fullest and try capturing memories so that these happy Memories leave you tickling your stomach years later 
Memories which might bring tears in our eyes 
Indeed those memories will be worth our tears 
Laugh till your stomach aches 
Cry till your heart is full 
And make the best of your teenage years :)
You will never be able to relive these years.

                                                             
                                                                               - By jyotika.